First!

So this is officially my first blog post (besides Xanga, but if it’s over 10 years ago it doesn’t count, right?), and I have to admit it’s a little daunting to come up with something that encompasses me and my life in a non-rambling novel. First off, who really cares to read an extended biography of someone who isn’t famous, and second, where do I start? If you know me personally, you probably know at least part of my crazy life trials, and if you don’t it would be impossible to condense the craziness into something that doesn’t resemble the Harry Potter series. So, I will just start at the present and go from there. Look, I decided on something!

This past year has been the hardest, most life altering year yet and I wouldn’t have changed anything about it looking back. I found out February 27th that I was pregnant with my daughter after trying for a baby for 2 years, so you can imagine the excitement we felt when that positive sign popped up on the test. Of course I went to the doctor to confirm and scheduled my first ultrasound once they received the positive result back. In our state of excitement, we talked about how beautiful our baby would be and never thought that something would be wrong. The first ultrasound changed everything. They could see swelling on the baby’s neck, which is a huge indicator that something isn’t right. At this point it was far too early to tell what specifically was wrong, so we had to wait 2 months for more tests and finally we we’re referred to a cardiologist. The cardiologist explained that our daughter had something wrong with her heart, and it felt like mine was being ripped out. My doctor recommended I have an abortion three separate times but I didn’t even consider it for a second. Finally I was transferred to Children’s Mercy hospital so I could have echograms done weekly until the baby came. Thankfully my doctors here were shocked at my previous doctor’s recommendation and supported me through the rest of my pregnancy, keeping a very close eye on baby and I. Finally came the time to be induced since my little bear didn’t want to leave her cave. I was so beyond ready for her to come but at the same time I knew I wouldn’t get to hold her for more than a few minutes before she was taken to the NICU to be poked and tested. I was able to hold her for a whole blissful minute before she was taken and the uncertainty of her heart surgery re-clouded my mind, along with the drugs.

The next two and a half weeks went by and her heart surgery had been postponed twice, once for a fever that turned out to be the warmers on too high, and the second for emergency surgeries. The anticipation of her surgery seemed to drag on and on and my nerves were shot. We were at the hospital every day, of course,  I was trying to keep up my pumping schedule so I could at least do something and I couldn’t stop thinking about her surgery and every possible outcome, so sleep was a novelty I was not receiving. Finally, 13 days after she was supposed to have her surgery, she went in to have her BT shunt put in.

The 2 days before the surgery are a complete blur to be completely honest. I can’t tell you anything about those 2 days, besides I was at the hospital of course. The hours leading up to her surgery were the longest hours of my life. Finally after I had no nails left to chew, they came to take her back for surgery. Surprisingly, I felt a little relieved rather than scared. Like she was being fixed and it was out first step to getting her home to a normal life. The surgery went quick, 4 hours, and they kept us updated every hour which I greatly appreciated. We went back to our hospital room/2nd home to wait for them to bring her back from the OR and I can’t explain the feeling I had. I think it was just too many feelings to really put into words, or just too MUCH feeling. It was only minutes but it felt like the longest part of the whole thing. Seeing her hooked up to so many machines with tubes and wires coming from everywhere on her tiny little body was absolutely the part I was dreading the most. But the days seemed to go by quickly after that, with her surgery being done and progress being made everyday it was like the wait was over and we could finally talk about going home. The first month of Ellee’s life was definitely more eventful than we were expecting when we first found out we were having a baby, but it was so worth everything to have my little heart warrior healthy and happy at home!